I'm drunk, sick, pissed off, stupid, hungry, need a haircut, got a hangover, flat broke, homesick, lonely, tired and no mail for a month.

No pass, missed bed check, no friends, no pussy, and damn few relatives.

In debt, pay all screwed up, poor character, overtime in grade, rank frozen, inefficient, lousy chow, no clothes, no combat pay, laundry rejected and my leave was disapproved.

Lost my shot record on guard duty or KP, got a pearl diver MOS, three days AWOL, the first shirt wants to see me right after this formation, got a Dear John letter.

I'm sleepy, thirsty, got a hardon and can't use it 'cause I got the clap. I'm about to shit my pants and the latrine is OFF LIMITS until after the inspection, and...

...some sonofabitch comes up to me and says...

"Reenlist for the advantages!"